My Bio (as written in my „Book“ for Graduation in the Intentional Creativity teacher training)
When I was a kid I took a natural born in interest in all that was „art“. Deep within me I knew that “ART” was something holy in the mundane, something uplifting, moving, changing, keeping.
And I looked for it. I read, watched, looked, listened took in whatever there was to take in und I dreamed of creating something. Me. Artist. A painting with real oil colors, a novel, rhyming poetry, melodies, rhythms and songs. A dance that would move people who watched it to tears. I wanted to move people. From somewhere to elsewhere.
I had intense sensations of my surroundings and I wanted to weave them in into the found “ART”. I love imagining how to express my inner world.
But who was I to do something so holy – creating “ART”.
I was all alone with my longing to create. Nobody of my family, no friend felt that inner urge. I realized that my loved ones felt uncomfortable when I talked about “that” and without deciding consciously about it I stopped talking and hid my interest. I was secretly creative. Hiding.
Hiding can become a habit!
Hiding can become a prison.
Hiding inhibits finding likeminded people.
Hiding means loneliness. And can wound the soul. It can mean self-betrayal.
After getting my Magistra Artium in German, English and Spanish language and literature I started working for a town administration. Organizing events of singing, dancing, art exhibitions – and I realized it hurt. I was on the wrong side. I didn’t want to organize I wanted to create and show!
When I turned 30 I had a breakdown. I saw a therapist who helped me realize how creative I was that a writer is somebody who writes and a painter is somebody who paints and I did both. Except I couldn’t accept that I did because the unnoticed and hidden creativity didn’t count in my eyes. I was blind to the fact that someone who has four novels in her drawer and countless drawings and paintings sorted by years on top of a deep wardrobe is a creative person and probably progresses in her – (“ART”). Oh.
When I had my beautiful daughters in 2005 and 2008 my life turned around.
A Love so intensive, so life altering, so lifting me up and throwing me down, so holy, just too much for me – never would I be able to hide that love. Never would I want to.
I outed myself as creative because I didn’t want my daughters to grow up with the idea that creativity is something that is better kept secret. Daily we created. I started living the life of the ‘super creative mom’ and got noticed for that in kindergarten and school. I dug out old stuff; I created openly and instructed others. They perceived me as ‘into art’ and nothing harmful happened.
Until one day I realized my daughters needed more space. They wanted to do their own thing and on their own. I wanted them to move on freely and I wanted that for myself too. I wanted to live it out loud for them.
So I cleaned up the dump-it-all-room, made room for a big table to always have an art project on, filled a cupboard with paint, brushes, mixed media materials. Took courses online to find likeminded people and get better at what I was doing and found Tamara Laporte’s “Lifebook”. There I met Shiloh Sophia McCloud and Intentional Creativity and since then I create out loud in the open.
Without my daily dose of creativity I am only half of myself.